Conquest

All those years I built walls around me
A fortress to shield my inner core
To protect me from what I encountered before:
Emptiness, loneliness, rejection, and enormous pain,

In all this time, my fortress protected me well
And only very few managed to penetrate my defenses
But only one ever made it to my inner core
The time of utmost pain.

And then, you came into my life.
And things were so very different
We used to talk, we used to laugh
Even before we met, from eye to eye

I let down my defenses
Making it possible for you
To advance quickly to my inner core
You took my fortress by storm

Im not afraid to have you there, so deep inside
Its like a hole being filled
Just by your being there
A hole dug there long time ago

Theres something you do
I still dont know what it is
But whatever it is, it feels
So very good.

Now that youre not here, Im missing you
And I cant wait to see you again.
To hold you in my arms
To feel your presence

Everything is different, now
Im defenseless, but Im not scared, anymore
I enjoy it, I long for it, I bathed in it... I need it...
I need you

All would be fine
But I have doubts
For I dont know
If this will last

When you were here, we didnt care
We longed for so much
And we found it
In each others arms

Now youre not here
And I wonder about us
About if and how things might go on
I know one thing: I am missing you

Im missing your eyes, your smile,
Your warmth, your voice, your laughter
Your tenderness, your touch, your kisses
And you, when I wake up in the morning.

I cannot wait to see you again
The time for a reunion seems so far away
And time cannot pass fast enough
Time, however, passes too fast when Im with you.

Everytime Im with you, I talk you you
You enchant me, and I cannot resist
There must be something you do
What is it ? You are so different.

Are you my guiding light ?
The one who makes all darkness bright ?
The one who makes everything allright ?
The shining star to lead me through the darkest nights ?

Im sitting here, trying to create some order
In the chaos that is inside of me
I wonder how this miracle could happen.
The miracle of the conquest of my fortress.

( Sparrowhawk, April 2004)