Crossroads

Im now standing here, at a place where many roads meet
The ways separate, and never seem to meet again
Is there a destiny that tells me where to go ?
Am I bound to a certain aim, a certain direction ?

There are so many options, so many ways to go
But wherever they lead, wherever they end
Their destinations, I do not know, they are in the dark
I cannot see their ends... what will await me ?

There is no fate, the choice is all-mine
But I dont really know the way to go
Apart from one thing I do not wish to go back
I have no desire to live through it all again

This uncertainty is far from assuring
Especially at a time when I feel scared and empty
Especially at a time when I feel hungry and exhausted
Especially at a time when I feel... insecure

Where is the shining light to guide me ?
Where is the light that leads me out of this darkness ?
Where is the place that satisfies my needs ?
Or will I have to walk around, hungry... forevermore ?

Where is the one to be beside me ?
Once, there was someone but she is gone
She wont come back... shes dead, for all I know
So I remain by myelf ... alone forevermore ?

The hole left in me has never been re-filled
And emptiness has remained ever since.
I fell asleep, but I was awakened some time ago
Left by myself with hunger and fear, and emptiness and exhaustion.

Here I am, taking whatever I can get to satisfy my needs, to overcome my fears
But a few gifts alone cannot still my hunger, cannot take away my fears
And a few hugs and kisses and caresses, occasionally given
Are better than nothing, but theyre not enough

They say I have to move on. But why do I have to move on ?
Im tired of searching, for my powers are gone.
Cant I just lay down and take a long rest ?
Lay down and sleep... forevermore ?

I see so many paths before me,
But Im scared of what may lie ahead of me,
I still dont know where to go, its all in the dark, and I see nothing
And Im alone... hungry, empty, scared... and so endlessly tired.

( Sparrowhawk, Februar / February 2004)